


Topic: My (21M) children are fighting and I can’t get them to stop, please help

by etoilette



Series: AU-gust 2020 [20]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Chatting & Messaging, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:14:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26025556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etoilette/pseuds/etoilette
Summary: joker42069Oh! Oh no, sorry. That must have been misleading. Sorry. My kids are actually my pets. I have a bunch of rats and some dogs and some cats.xx_aufheben_xxThis is a forum for parents. People with actual real kids. You are unwelcome here. Go away.ORIn which Kurusu Akira, newly single pet dad, seeks parenting advice from the forum PersoParents, and sees someone he never expected to talk to again.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Series: AU-gust 2020 [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1860436
Comments: 15
Kudos: 152





	Topic: My (21M) children are fighting and I can’t get them to stop, please help

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Day #20 of AU-gust: Single Parents AU Day. They are single parents in this AU because they're technically "broken up" and they are the proud parents of their lovely animal children uwu. 
> 
> Additional TW: not sure if this would be a trigger thing for anyone but there is arguing over a name change that happens later? 
> 
> For reference,  
> \- Dogs: Ryuji, Ann  
> \- Cats: Morgana, Yusuke  
> \- Rats: Sumire, Futaba, Haru, Makoto
> 
> Thank you to everyone who helped me in coming up with ideas for this forum!! If you would like me to actually put your name here, please DM me and I'll edit it!

**Topic:** My (21M) children are fighting and I can’t get them to stop, please help

**joker42069**

Like it says in the topic :(

**ButterflyKiss**

Can we have a little bit more context, please?

**joker42069**

I’m 21. I have a bunch of kids. I used to share custody of them with my partner but my partner moved out a week ago and maybe the kids are feeling stressed over that, but they started really acting up. One of them even bit me when I tried to separate them. It wasn’t a deep bite but it was a shock. 

**ButterflyKiss**

I’m sorry to hear that. Kids are very sensitive, and if your partner was close to them, then their acting out might indeed be a result of that loss. Do you think you’d be able to set up a time for them to FaceTime your partner?

**joker42069**

Oh, maybe. Most of them are in a cage under the bed so I might be able to prop up a tablet or use my laptop and let them see each other. I’m more worried about Ryuji and Ann, because they can’t really sit still long enough to look at a screen. Actually they tried to push Yusuke down the stairs once and I almost broke my own neck rescuing him. This was right after my partner left, and I remember hoping that it was just a phase for them.

**ButterflyKiss**

Should I be calling the cops?

**joker42069**

?

**joker42069**

Oh! Oh no, sorry. That must have been misleading. Sorry. My kids are actually my pets. I have a bunch of rats and some dogs and some cats. 

**xx_aufheben_xx**

This is a forum for parents. People with _actual real kids_. You are unwelcome here. Go away.

**joker42069**

:( I went to ask about it on a pet forum and they all suggested that I give away some of my pets to my partner. He already took one of my daughters and my heart, I can’t let him take away anymore. 

**joker42069**

By the way, they are my real children. I’ve spent almost all my life savings on making sure they’re all happy and well-fed and vaccinated and stuff.

**TequilaLife**

Yikes.

**Beckiiiii**

Letting them FaceTime with your partner might be a good idea. 

**joker42069**

Yeah, maybe...I just worry that they’ll act out even more after because they miss him so much. Like, they can see and hear him, but can’t smell him. I’m just trying my best in providing a stable and comfortable and supportive home for them by my lonesome and it’s been tough balancing that with my job. 

**ButterflyKiss**

Do you work in a field that lets you stay at home? Maybe staying home with them will soothe their anxieties. 

**Beckiiiiii**

Ooh yeah! Like, maybe they think you’re going to leave them like your partner did.

**joker42069**

I work in a cafe, so it’ll be hard to do that from home...I can’t even bring them into the cafe with me because the last time I did, the health department almost closed us down.

**Beckiiiiii**

Oof…

**ButterflyKiss**

Bringing a rat to a place that sells food...What were you thinking?

**joker42069**

:( I was thinking they were lonely since my partner worked long hours and was never home either.

**xx_aufheben_xx**

Why are you two entertaining him still? He should be kicked or banned. This is a forum for _children_. Actual people. Actual kids. Not pets.

**ButterflyKiss**

He does seem like he’s in a lot of trouble...It doesn’t hurt to just listen.

**TequilaLife**

@xx_aufheben_xx, I saw you posting something earlier about how your kid stopped eating. Are you maybe acting out a little bit yourself >:3

**joker42069**

Maybe instead of gatekeeping a forum, you should go and feed your kid. By the way, if you say "forum for children," it sounds like only twelve-year-olds are allowed to be here or something.

**xx_aufheben_xx**

She’s fine. She’s just sad. She’ll get over it.

**xx_aufheben_xx**

If only twelve-year-olds are allowed to be here, then why are you?

**joker42069**

Because I'm mentally twelve years old, duh

**xx_aufheben_xx**

More like six years old

**Beckiiiiii**

Guys

**ButterflyKiss**

Well, xx_aufheben_xx, if you’re also having trouble with your child, maybe you could use some of the advice we give joker42069. Pets and children can be pretty similar in the trouble they cause and the joy they bring.

**xx_aufheben_xx**

My daughter isn’t sad that I left my partner, she’s just sad because she’s not used to the new apartment. It’s completely different.

**joker42069**

You left your partner too? Why? Why would you do that?

**xx_aufheben_xx**

Because the house constantly reeked of curry and he was always too nice to me.

**joker42069**

A house reeking of curry is literally my dream (and reality :p) and also omg lol that’s what my partner said when he left too.

**joker42069**

So in the end why did your kid stop eating?

**xx_aufheben_xx**

None of your business. Also the “my daughter isn’t sad that I left my partner” was me using you as an example. Because your rats are obviously upset about that. My rat is just sad that the new apartment smells clean because she’s long since been trained by her previous owner to associate the scent of Lysol with sadness.

**TequilaLife**

You said in your own forum post that your partner left you too though. Like, that wasn’t a hypothetical that you just said right now. 

**joker42069**

Also wait what?

**joker42069**

LMAOOOOO how are you lambasting me on talking about my pets when you were talking about your rat in this forum too??

**xx_aufheben_xx**

It’s not the same obviously. 

**xx_aufheben_xx**

Do you seriously have nothing better to do with your time? Is your life work stalking the different posts on this forum? @TequilaLife

**TequilaLife**

:3

**joker42069**

Oh that’s crazy, damn. 

**ButterflyKiss**

We should move back on topic. 

**Beckiiiiii**

What were we even talking about again?

**joker42069**

How my kids are doing horribly because my partner left me and now they’re all upset :(

**Beckiiiiii**

Oh right, the FaceTime thing. 

**xx_aufheben_xx**

You should still move to another forum. But you can try letting the dogs run around and work off some energy. The cats too, can be given some playtime. Rats are incredibly intelligent animals and can be taught tricks, which can keep them occupied. You just need to distract them a little bit for now.

**joker42069**

For someone who vehemently refuses to allow my continued presence in this forum, you certainly are helpful, aren’t you?

**xx_aufheben_xx**

You seem the type of person who wouldn’t leave until you get what you want. 

**joker42069**

Please, Mr. xx_aufheben_xx, I’m still in a relationship.

**xx_aufheben_xx**

Didn’t you say your partner left you?

**joker42069**

WE’RE STILL TOGETHER, I THINK

**xx_aufheben_xx**

Him leaving is a pretty clear sign that the two of you broke up. When I left, I essentially broke up with my partner.

**joker42069**

How could you do such a thing...

**xx_aufheben_xx**

We can communicate without words. I'm sure he got my message.

**joker42069**

I wish my partner would talk to me more...He always just sort of pent up everything, and I thought maybe he was letting his guard down around me, but I guess I was just overthinking things, as usual. I wonder what I could've said or done to make him stay.

**joker42069**

Sorry I'm not usually so mopey. I've just been sad without him and like. Now my pets are like this. Earlier today, one of my rats almost bit off another one's tail.

**TequilaLife**

Why don’t you call him and make sure you guys are still an item, just in case you need to be finding a new man.

**joker42069**

I don’t know if he’ll answer my calls…

**ButterflyKiss**

It doesn’t hurt to try.

**joker42069**

It’ll hurt ME if I call him and no one answers...

**Beckiiiiii**

If you have anything of your partner’s, maybe you can put that into the cage? I’ve read somewhere that a familiar and comforting scent can help calm an animal down. When a puppy moves to a new home, for example, they should have something that smells like their mom until they get used to living without her.

**joker42069**

My partner took basically everything when he left...he has an argyle sweatervest that he left behind though, and it’s kind of big.

**xx_aufheben_xx**

Wait a second.

**joker42069**

I suppose I can cut it up? I don’t want them to accidentally suffocate under the yarn.

**TequilaLife**

Yeah that’s a good idea!

**xx_aufheben_xx**

Wait a second. Don’t cut it up.

**joker42069**

Why not?

**joker42069**

??

**joker42069**

Okay, well I went for it and put it into the cage. I hope they calm down...I’ll give it a night maybe and see?

**ButterflyKiss**

Keep us posted.

**joker42069**

For the dogs and cats, I can probably set up a FaceTime but now the problem is whether or not he’ll even pick up the phone.

**xx_aufheben_xx**

Don’t cut up the sweater vest. Also, sweater vest is two words.

**joker42069**

What? It’s too late by the way.

**xx_aufheben_xx**

It’s not one word. It’s two words.

**joker42069**

That's kind of stupid. When you're talking you don't say sweatervest like two words. You say it together.

**Beckiiiiii**

Oh like the difference between anyway and any way?

**xx_aufheben_xxx**

Whoever says that is saying sweater vest wrong.

**Beckiiiiii**

Is this really the most important thing to talk about.

**ButterflyKiss**

I don’t think they’re the same thing.

**joker42069**

What’s up with you and the sweatervest? I’m not gonna stab them with the scissors or anything.

**xx_aufheben_xx**

*sweater vest

**xx_aufheben_xx**

I just think. Maybe. You shouldn’t have cut up the sweater vest. Your partner might have wanted it.

**TequilaLife**

Speaking of which. It’s been pretty fun how much the two of you have in common over this weird thing with your broken relationship and messed up emotional attachment to your pets. It must be fate. 

**xx_aufheben_xx**

It’s a coincidence.

**joker42069**

I’m sorry, xx_aufheben_xx. As much as I want to be Mr. xx_aufheben_xx, I have my heart set on one person and that one person has gone away to a faraway place (with my daughter Sumire).

**xx_aufheben_xx**

Her name isn’t Sumire anymore, by the way. It’s Kasumi. She would appreciate it if you call her by her actual name.

**TequilaLife**

LMAO I knew it

**Beckiiiiii**

OMG????

**joker42069**

Wait, xx_aufheben_xx??? I was already Mr. xx_aufheben_xx?? WAIT. 

**joker42069**

What do you mean Kasumi?

**xx_aufheben_xx**

That’s her name now. I changed it after I left. I suppose there’s no use hiding it now. 

**ButterflyKiss**

Did you know coming in that joker42069 is your former partner?

**xx_aufheben_xx**

Of course. The idiot practicaly doxxes himself.

**joker42069**

Why did you change our daughter’s name without permission?

**xx_aufheben_xx**

Because she’s my daughter now, not ours. Please do not refer to her as Sumire anymore. She is Kasumi. As for everything else, if you can’t take care of the children, please give them to me and I’ll take care of them. Kasumi already likes it much better in my clean and nice-smelling apartment. I’ll DM you my new address but don’t think about finding me there again. I’ll move the kids to a larger house where they can actually run around. 

**TequilaLife**

Weren’t you crying about how Kasumi wasn’t eating earlier?

**xx_aufheben_xx**

I wasn’t crying about it. I was asking for advice.

**joker42069**

Why did you leave me :(

**Beckiiiiii**

Oh boy

**xx_aufheben_xx**

I think I made it pretty clear. The house constantly reeks of curry and you are too kind for your own good. Do you know that to advance, there needs to be a synthesis of thesis and antithesis? When I make mistakes, I want you to tell me and force me to be better, like I do for you. But all you ever do is fix my errors behind my back and tell me that I’m doing good. How can I stay with someone who treats me like a baby?

**joker42069**

Because you’re my baby, babe :(

**xx_aufheben_xx**

This is exactly fucking why. 

**ButterflyKiss**

Okay, I think the two of you need to take this into DMs. A public forum isn’t the place for a private conversation.

**joker42069**

Anything I wanna say to you, I can say publicly. I’m sure it’s the same for you too, right?

**xx_aufheben_xx**

Oh most definitely.

**joker42069**

Babe, you put black vinegar instead of soy sauce in the nikujaga, it was still good and it’s a mistake all beginner cooks make. Did you want me to yell at you or something over it? 

**xx_aufheben_xx**

Yes. If you made the mistake, I would’ve yelled at you, because that’s the only way anyone can learn.

**joker42069**

That’s not true :( You don’t yell at Ryuji or Ann when you’re teaching them tricks.

**xx_aufheben_xx**

They’re dogs. What point is there in doing that?

**joker42069**

If I wanted to be with someone perfect all the time, I wouldn’t have a partner at all. I chose you despite your faults, and I know you chose me despite mine. Like you say, progress cannot happen without thesis and antithesis, but arguing and confrontation aren’t the only ones to present an antithesis. How can I possibly yell at the man of my dreams just for making an honest mistake? 

**joker42069**

Being in a relationship with someone is learning how to do things and get past obstacles together. We’re not trying to tear each other down, right? We’re trying to build each other up. 

**joker42069**

Nothing I can do about the curry smell except maybe I can learn how to cook some other stuff...

**joker42069**

xx_aufheben_xx??

**joker42069**

Are you still there? 

* * *

_This is the beginning of your direct message history with xx_aufheben_xx_

**xx_aufheben_xx**

Hey. Can you call me? I need to talk to you. 

**joker42069**

Only if you show me Sumire too.

**xx_aufheben_xx**

Only if you call her Kasumi.


End file.
